Gaunt
by sam carter 1013
Summary: She was never going to find him. He was never coming back.


Spoilers: The man from the other side and the preview for Northwestern passage

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Author's notes: Totally unbeta. I just wanted to publish this before the episode airs, is not much, and it's sad, but I still hope you enjoy.

Gaunt

The exit of the cinema was packed and it was raining, he didn't want her to get wet.

"I'll go get the car, why don't you stay here?" He smiled, the 100 watt smile she liked so much.

"Okay." He gave a step almost getting into the crowd, she touch his shoulder and he turned.

"You are coming back, right?" She said, with that haunted expression into her eyes, while grabbing the lapels of his jacket.

He tilted his head one side to analyze this gesture, his eyes shinning on the light of the marquee, he enveloped her hands in his, squeezing them. "Of course I'm coming back, I'll just go get the car." He smiled once more before stepping into the crowd, head down hands in his pockets to avoid the rain, she stood there watching his back getting farther and farther until she could see him no more.

She waited; people where leaving, until she was there alone, and she waited some more, she looked everywhere looking for the car lights, she finally steped into the rain, her hair getting wet immediately, she still looked around but there was no sing of him...

Olivia woke up startled.

Where was she?

She looked around her, the lights around the bulding were mostly out, it was the middle of the night and she had fallen asleep again on her desk. Her office was a disaster, papers everywhere, maps, photos, empty stereoform coffee cups.

Olivia looked down to her desk and there it was again.

Peter.

It felt as she was thinking about him in past tense, as if he was dead already. She felt like that, like she was mourning him.

He had left his badge behind in the hospital, a message for her, _don't look for me_, _here is your damn badge. _She had finally got that elusive file of his, it still didn't have much but it was all she had.

The badge and file had both the same picture, the distinctive blue background the FBI used for standard photos, it make his eyes shine, they were so blue; he hadn't shaved as he never did, but he had combed his hair; anyone would have come in his best clothes for the official picture, but he had appeared that morning on his rumple, informal clothes, coffee cup in hand, and when he had asked for the replacement he told her he wanted the same picture.

He hated tea.

She had kept it inside, she didn't cry, she didin't scream or cry to the heavens for and answer, she knew she had brought this upon herself, she focussed on what it had to be done, look for him, tasks that will occupy her mind and it had worked until the supermarket debacle.

Olivia had been looking at his badge all day, and still it didn't registered, she had left the office late but stopped at the 24 hours supermarket near her house, she wasn't hungry, thirsty yes, but no hungry, but Rachel had been around a lot the past few days and she noticed the emptiness in her kitchen, Ella had told her mother Peter was nowhere to be seen and Rachel knew something was wrong, so in an effort to make her sister believe she was fine she went to buy something that resembled food, she just grabbed things at the store without thinking, the only conscious objects being the bottle of whisky, and she had past through the tea aisle, all different kinds, green, chamomille, peppermint, roiboos, black and she remembered he hated tea.

Olivia took the first box she touched and throw it into the shopping cart. By the time she was paying she observed the packages, all were things he liked, except for the tea. She paid and left the store, a plastic bag in each hand, she was at the door when a sudden image of his badge came to her mind, his eyes, and the thought, _he is gone_, repeating in her head over and over again, _he is gone, he is gone, he is gone_, a pain in her chest materialized out of nowhere, a crave, a longing, as if someting was missing, she felt so sad and empty, it reminded her of how she had felt after Jhon died, she felt abandoned, alone again, and the tears had poured down without asking her for permission, her head down looking to the stupid floor of the stupid store with her stupid bags in each hand.

_He is gone, he is gone, I'm alone, why did you leave?__ You left me, Why did you leave me? Why? Where are you? Please come back, please don't leave me, I can explain, jut let me explain, I don't know where to look for you, please come back, please forgive me, I won't do it again, I wanted to tell you, please come back, please don't leave me alone, I need you so much, come home, please..._

She stood there until a man asked her if she was okay, he had had Peter's eyes; she hand't answered and went to her car. And that had been all, by the time she was at her apartment there was not a trace of tears on her eyes; she didn't open the whisky bottle but she had placed the box of tea on her kitchen aisle, daring her to drink it, another betray to her already long list.

She had been drinking black coffee for the last two days and still, she had fallen asleep.

Olivia took the badge in her hand, his face looking at her, _he is gone_...

She was never going to find him. He was never coming back.


End file.
